I can’t believe I am about to say this, Lockdown has finally turned me mental. This really isn’t my style but yesterday I did a WORKOUT. A fucking workout. I actually died, more than once and that was only in the warmup.
I had bile sat in my mouth for 35 out of the 40 minutes. I had sweat dripping down my chubby snatch, shit was real, the under-boob sweat had reached my belly button and the gasping for air even had my kids come running.
The beautiful blonde lady on the workout video, who hadn’t even had to take a deep breath was shouting her words of encouragement, whilst I shouted back that I was about to die, and someone call me an ambulance.
The final straw was when the beautiful blonde said “now clench your core”… the only thing I was clenching was my jaw, so the sick didn’t fall out.
I think from now on I will just stick to binge-watching Netflix and eating everything in sight. The NHS is under enough strain without an overweight, middle-aged egit having to be revived after doing a beginners workout.
